


Catnip is the Cat-Devil's Lettuce

by Houdini123, LittleLizardLover



Category: Haikyuu!!, Neko no Ongaeshi | The Cat Returns
Genre: Catnapping - like kidnapping except with cats, Cats, Crack, Crossdressing, Gen, Inspired by Studio Ghibli, Lev Haiba is an Idiot, Misgendering, Protective Kuroo Tetsurou, Studio Ghibli, everyone is cats except kenma, kenma DID NOT sign up for this crap, somebody give akaashi a pay raise, the family dynamics in this fic are wack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24224857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Houdini123/pseuds/Houdini123, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLizardLover/pseuds/LittleLizardLover
Summary: Kenma saves a cat from being run over while walking home from school. It all goes downhill from there.Hey, at least the 'Cat Baron' dude is kinda cute, right?
Relationships: Haiba Lev & Kozume Kenma, Haiba Lev & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 7
Kudos: 60





	1. A Dangerous Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!  
> My sister and I decided to have fun and write a little fic crossover using Haikyuu and The Cat Returns and banged this out in two days.  
> I wrote chapters 1-3-7-9-11  
> She did 2-4-5-6-8-10-12-13  
> And we edited each other's parts.  
> Hope you guys enjoy!

Kenma’s alarm clock rang, the sound grating his ears, and he rolled over to hit the snooze button again. The sound ended and he snuggled deeper into his blanket to go back to sleep but found himself quite cruelly exposed to the cold air of his bedroom. Disgruntled, but not one to give up, he just curled in to himself to conserve warmth.

“Kenma! You’re going to be late if you don’t get out of bed right now!”

Right. School. Lazily, he sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, looking at the clock. Twenty minutes to class. Yikes. His mother looked at him expectantly and he stood and stretched. His stomach rumbled a bit, but there was no way he would have time for breakfast. He sighed.

“Maybe if you woke up when your alarm rang, you would have time to eat in the mornings. Now come on, get ready!” His mother continued talking as she left his room and he quickly got dressed into his school uniform and grabbed his homework. As he left, he saw his mother grumbling at her computer, no longer invested in whether or not he actually got to school. Still, he was dressed and ready now, so going back to bed was no longer an option.

He didn’t want to be late, but the clock was ticking, so he took all the shortcuts he knew and even jogged, but the universe seemed out to get him and kept putting obstacles in his way so by the time he got to school, not only was he late, he was also very frustrated. The rest of the day was fairly uneventful, listening to Yachi go on and on about the third year girl she was crushing on. Sometimes, he wasn’t too sure why he hung around Yachi, but she was fun to be around and if he didn’t have her he wouldn’t really have any friends so he wasn’t about to go alienating her.

\--

The walk home was better than the walk to school, no longer in a rush and with Yachi humming some pop tune next to him. He carried a butterfly net with him - Yachi had brought it to school and declared it perfect butterfly catching season - and while it was kind of a childish thing to go chasing bugs, he had seen some cool beetles around his house which might be worth getting a closer look at.

“Aw, look at the kitty carrying a little present!” Yachi cooed, pointing at a large brown cat that was quickly padding across the sidewalk just in front of them. Kenma quickly took out his phone to snap a picture but when he looked back up he saw the cat was now walking into traffic.

The light turned green, and the cat was still on the road. 

It should have the time to get across.

It dropped its present, and it was trying to pick it up, in the middle of the road.

For a second, Kenma didn’t really think, and the next thing he knew he was on the ground on the other side of the road, heart beating faster than it had ever beat, eyes locked onto the eyes of a cat that was now standing on two legs. The cat brushed itself off, as though such a thing was normal.

“Thank you for saving me.” The cat spoke with a deep and refined voice, which was not really something Kenma had ever expected to hear. “What is your name? I wish to send you recompense for this act.”

Kenma wasn’t sure how to react, but he decided that if a cat was talking to him, he could talk back to the cat. “Kenma Kozume.” He spoke. The cat nodded at him, got back on all fours and picked it’s present back up. It padded away quickly, and Kenma lost sight of it.

“Kenma! Are you okay? Oh my god, you almost died!” 

“That was a talking cat.” Kenma said, turning his head to look at Yachi, who was on the verge of tears. “He had a really deep voice.”

“What? Did you hit your head or something? We gotta get you to the hospital, right now!”

“I’m fine.” He insisted, looking off in the direction the cat had gone. He figured that in the grand scheme of things, that wasn’t the weirdest interaction he’d ever had. He stood and brushed himself up then stretched his arms out. “Let’s just go home.”   
So he walked Yachi back to her apartment block then made his way to his house, the thought of the cat still stuck in the back of his mind. He mostly forgot about the interaction though as he did his homework and played some Fire Emblem on his 3DS, and it was gone from his mind by the time he went to bed.  
It seemed that fate, however, did not want Kenma to forget about his interaction with the talking cat because at some time between fuck-no AM and the asscrack of dawn, he was woken up by the sound of the world’s most chilling music and cat fights right outside his window. Peering out the window at what must be a fever dream, Kenma was tempted to just go back to sleep until a cat called out his name.

“Kenma? Kenma Kozume?” The little orange cat called out, glowing yellow eyes peering into the window. So yeah, Kenma was going to have to deal with that sooner or later. Wrapping his blanket around himself like a cape, he made his way outside. The cats watched his approach like he was some sort of hero and Kenma felt very much like he was at the ‘chapter one’ stage of a video game. 

“Kenma Kozume?” A black cat questioned, and Kenma nodded in return. He wasn’t really sure how he was supposed to be addressing the army of cats currently blocking his street.

“Thank you!” This time, it was the silver and black cat sitting on the sedan chair who spoke, loud and boisterous. It looked at him with very intense eyes, “You really did me a huge favour, saving my son’s life earlier!”

“The cat that was crossing the road…?” Kenma questioned, now very confused about just who exactly the cat was. 

“Yes! My dear son!” The silver-black cat cried out, “I am so grateful! I have prepared many fine gifts for you to receive!” 

The little orange cat came forward, seemingly filled with the same boundless energy as it’s… liege? Master? He wondered how the class system worked in a society of cats.

“Here is a list of what you’ll be receiving!” It said brightly, bouncing around Kenma in excitement. Kenma unrolled the parchment he was handed and wanted to feel surprised at the fact it was covered in hieroglyphs, but his day was weird enough already that he felt it couldn’t really get any weirder. He guessed that cats wouldn’t really have a reason to be writing in Japanese either.

“Thanks.” He told the cats, not sure of what else he could tell them. And they all nodded at him and began leaving, playing the creepy music again as they wandered off.

“I look forward to seeing you again soon!” The cat-in-charge called out as they left.

Wonder what it means by that. Kenma thought as he headed back inside. He dropped the paper on his desk and collapsed back into bed. He still wasn’t sure if that hadn’t been some sort of fever dream or not.


	2. The Worst Day Ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks to everyone who read and left kudos on the first chapter!!
> 
> This is the first chapter my sister wrote and her intro to writing fanfic, so please enjoy and be kind!

For the first time in Kenma’s memory, his alarm wasn’t what woke him up to remind him of how he was likely going to be late to school. No. Today, he was awoken by his allergies, making his nose itchy and eyes watery. Waking up to a yard full of catnip was not the way he wanted to start his morning, nor was getting a slightly panicked call from Yachi about the thirty butterfly nets that had shown up in her apartment overnight. He dragged his way down to the kitchen to grab his bag as he begrudgingly left the comforts of his home. THe only upside to the day so far was that he had time to grab himself a simple breakfast before going to school.  
It was barely seven thirty and he was already done and convinced that the day was going to be a bad one. Trudging your way through a field of catnip, as it turned out, had the unintended consequence of having the entirety of the local cat population become your swooning fanclub in an instant. Kenma liked cats, he even spent part of his allowance to feed a few strays in his backyard, but he wasn’t a big enough fan of them to not get highly annoyed by the hoard following him. As he ran to school trying to lose the hoard of cats, countless people took out their phones to take pictures or videos of him. Plus, he even got chastised at the school gates for 'bringing pets to school.' _Great, just great._

He was pretty sure his day couldn't get much worse than that.

_Ha. It can get worse. So much worse._

__

Mice, in his shoe locker was how it got worse. A fuckton of mice, if he had to guess, that caused everyone around to shriek and run away. Then, to add on to the pile of shitty things happening that day, he was late and the teacher called him out on it. Extra cleaning duty as a punishment was how Kenma’s day reached peak levels of worseness. Tripping and landing flat on his ass (because he was on his phone, again) was the cherry on top of the shit sundae the world was apparently serving him today. _What did he do to deserve this?_ He thought as he picked himself off the ground, dusting off his uniform pants. He sat down on a broken concrete bench by the fence that surrounded the school and closed his eyes. 

__

\--

__

His day had apparently decided it had enough of being awful and decided instead to be something straight out of an anime. There was that bright orange cat from last night, watching him with a very happy look on his face, as though he was anticipating something great.

__

“Hi, Kenma!” He greeted. “It’s me, Hinata!”

__

So, his fever dream from the previous night was real. Or, the more likely option, he was going completely insane. Maybe he should have followed Yachi's advice and gone to the hospital the day before.

__

“Did you enjoy the gifts we sent you?” The cat asked, “We made sure to shower you in all the finest goods the Cat Kingdom has to offer!”

__

“Were you the ones who put the catnip in my yard, and the mice in my locker?”

__

“Yeah! Pretty nice, right?”

__

“No! It was a huge nuisance!” Kenma told the cat, who seemed to wilt at his words, “The catnip made all the neighbourhood cats chase me all the way to school, and the mice caused a panic!”

__

“Did your friend enjoy the nets, at least?”

__

“She was too confused to appreciate anything.” Kenma sighed, “I’ve had one of the worst days of my life today.” He closed his eyes and leaned back on his hands, tired. The sun was warm and the breeze pleasant and he felt he might have been able to go to sleep right there.  
Hinata was still there though, chatting his ear off about something or another, he wasn’t really sure. He couldn’t find it within himself to pay attention at all. Maybe he was concussed? Something about a wedding to a cat prince. That sounded nice. Like something straight out of a shoujo manga.

__

“So, what do you say? You want to be our princess? Say yes, it’ll be so much fun! You’ll never have to worry about a thing ever again!” Huh, that seemed like a nice life. Just lazing around and playing video games all day.

__

“Ah, to finally nap in peace. What a dream!” He thought out loud.

__

“That’s settled then! We’ll come pick you up tonight. You’ll make such a beautiful bride!” The cat jumped on the roof of a nearby building and sprinted away before Kenma could respond. The conservation caught up to his muddled brain earning a squawk of indignation from the pudding head. A bride!? 

__

_What. The. Fuck_

__

“Oh my God, I’m going to marry a cat!?” This could not be happening, this could absolutely not be happening. He must’ve hit his head really hard or something. Deep inside though, he knew that this wasn’t his fuzzy brain’s concoction, quite unfortunately.

__

“Kenma,” a vaguely familiar voice spoke from the sky, seemingly. “Go to the Cat Bureau, the Baron will help you!” the voice sounded quite friendly.

__

“Who are you? Who is The Baron?” God, he was already speaking to cats like a lunatic, but at least those were alive. Now he was speaking to a disembodied voice in the sky.

__

“Look for the fat grey cat at the crossroads, he will lead you to the Baron. The Baron will help you.” The voice faded and Kenma was left to make a decision. Listen to the weird voice in the sky, or go home acting like nothing had happened and risk being kidnapped by cats. Huffing as he stood up he decided he would first finish his duties lest he get reprimanded for being lazy again then go to the crossroads. Worst case scenario, he went to the crossroads for nothing.

__

\--

__

“Look for the fat grey cat at the crossroads, he will lead you to the Baron” The voice from earlier in the day bounced around in Kenma’s head. He couldn’t see any cats, though he wasn’t really sure he was at the crossroads of anything. _Great, as if his day couldn’t get any worse or weirder,_ he thought. All of this because he saved a cat from getting run over. Kenma was lost and tired from his horrible day, so he sat on the closest chair to him to try and get his bearings or find the cat. The chair was squishier than he thought it would be, and squirming. He quickly realized that;  
1\. This was not a cushioned chair  
2.This squishy thing was in fact, a cat  
3.This cat was abnormally large and grey  
4.That he was, in fact, at a crossroads sitting on a cat

__

Doing the math, and accepting that this was his life now, he chose to live the mortifying experience of talking to a cat in a crowded street square.

__

“Hi, um, my name is Kenma. A voice in the sky ( _Jesus get it together Kenma_ , he told himself) told me you could lead me to the Baron?” 

__

Silence, sweet mortifying silence, and a wonky looking glance from the cat. Too far gone to care at this point Kenma pushed on.

__

“Look. I am literally engaged to a cat. I hear voices in the sky! I am _desperate_ for some help or answers or anything at this point! There were mice in my locker!”

__

Something glimmered in the cat’s eyes, and for a fleeting moment Kenma felt hope, but then the cat stood up and started crookedly walking away. Dread, ubiquitous dread settled deep in Kenma’s soul. Maybe he was just crazy and this would all be a bad dream. On the verge of tears Kenma went to turn to try and find his way home when a voice called out to him.

__

“Follow me, Kenma-san.” said the cat. 

__

Muttering a small “might as well, at this point” Kenma decided that he had nothing better to do with his evening than to follow a cat into a shady alley, sure.

__


	3. Tea...? At the Cat Bureau

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thanks to everyone who left kudos!!
> 
> Please enjoy this new chapter!!

Kenma followed the cat over, under and across many obstacles before finally arriving in…. a tiny town square? It was quaint and pastel, but also very, very strange. The glow of the sunset gave the whole place a warm and cozy feel, which Kenma was sure he would greatly enjoy if he wasn’t having the weirdest day of his life.  
He watched as the cat stood on its hind legs and checked a small, cat-sized mailbox and pulled out a… volleyball magazine? How the hell did that get posted here? Did cats have a secret postal service? The cat then opened the door to the building and walked in as though he owned the place. Well. Maybe he did. There was a really realistic cat statue in the front window.   
The fading sunlight hit the window of the yellow building the fat cat had entered. The statue that had stood in the window suddenly moved and came to life. The cat was pitch black, with piercing yellow eyes. He was dressed in a three-piece burgundy tuxedo with black accents, he even had a little pocket square and a golden walking stick. Quite dapper, if you asked Kenma.

“Lev!” The statue spoke in a chastising tone, “You know, you usually ask before barging into someone’s home like that!”

“Kuroo-san!” The cat, Lev, said cheerfully and completely unbothered, “I brought you a client!”

“That doesn’t excuse you, idiot!” A third voice chimed in, and a bird flew down and landed just outside the door to the building. If Kenma were to guess he would say the bird was a robin, but he was no ornithologist. 

“Yaku-san!” Lev exclaimed, “You’re just as small and cute as I remember you being!”

The bird, Yaku, entered the building as well and began alternating pecking at Lev’s head and cursing out the grey cat. Kenma decided that whatever beef existed between the two wasn’t any of his business and turned his attention to the ex-statue cat.

“Are you the cat baron?” He asked unsure of the proper decorum needed when addressing a cat baron. 

“Yes! But call me Kuroo,” The baron replied, “I hear you have some business with me?”

“I guess so.” Kenma shyly said, “A voice in the sky told me to come here.”

“Well, come on in,” Kuroo said, and Kenma looked at the tiny building skeptically, before getting on his hands and knees and crawling in. The inside was well furnished, fancy, but also a bit of a mess. Someone had put up some volleyball posters on the floral wallpaper, which kind of ruined the whole vintage-chic look. “Want a drink?” 

The cat baron was taking out some beautiful floral teacups and setting them down on the table. “Sure.” Maybe some tea would be good for Kenma’s thoroughly frayed nerves.

“Me too, Kuroo-san! Ooh! We’re using the fine china tonight!” Lev said, as Yaku finally ceased his assault and sighed.

“I’ll go get some snacks for everyone except you, you giant bean.” The bird said, leaving the house through the window. Lev looked more upset at not getting snacks then at being called a giant bean.

Kuroo poured some tea out of the pot and handed Kenma a cup. The thing was tiny, barely enough for a sip, but Kenma drank it all at once. Confusion covered his face as he looked at Kuroo who was sipping his own cup.

“Is this… warm gatorade?”

“So, Kenma, what seems to be your problem?” Kuroo asked with a glint in his eyes, this and the avoidance of his question was all Kenma needed to know about what he had just been served. Gross, who does that?

“I kinda saved the life of a random cat yesterday. He thanked me, and later that night I got a whole thank you delegation from the Cat Kingdom. Turns out he was their prince. Now the Cat King wants me to marry the Cat Prince. Also, I’ve been hearing voices. I think I’m going insane or that I’m dead or something and this is the afterlife.”

“Hmmm, sounds like something Bokuto would do.” Kenma did not like the sound of that.

“Who?”

“Bokuto. The Cat King. Me and him were friends, way back in our kitten days.” Kuroo explained twirling his hand through the air, “He’s really not the type to just give up on something like this, so getting you out of this whole shebang might be difficult, but not impossible.”

“Doesn’t he have, you know, actual cats that the prince can get married to? Also, they seem to think I’m a girl.”

“I mean, probably, but he wants to rewa-” Kuroo got cut off by a knock at the door.

“It’s probably Yaku-san! Let him in, Kenma-san,” Lev said, looks like he forgot he wasn’t getting any snacks, fool. Kenma nodded, turning around carefully to open the front door, mindful of his size in the tiny space. 

It was not Yaku. It was the bright orange cat from earlier. “Kenma! I’m so happy to have found you, you weren’t at your house! Come on, it’s time to go to the Cat Kingdom!”

“I don’t want to go to the Cat Kingdom, sorry…” Kenma told Hinata trying to close the door.

“Huh?” Hinata said, confused, “Oh! You’re getting cold feet! No need to worry, Kenma, everything’s going to be amazing! Every bride gets the jitters before her big day”

If anyone would have asked Kenma what he thought would happen next ‘Getting picked up by a swarm of cats and spirited away’ was really not what he would have replied. As he felt himself get picked up, he scrambled to grab onto something, and that something happened to be Lev who let out a squawk of shock.

“I’m sorry if the ride is bumpy or uncomfortable.” Hinata said, sat on the cat-wagon as though it was completely normal. “Your fat friend is making it unstable.” A portal opened up in front of them and the cat-wagon zoomed through and came out in another part of the city. 

“I’m not fat, just big boned!” Lev shouted in indignation. The grey cat was very nearly falling off of the cat-train and Kenma struggled to pull him up because of all the movement and his size. God, he should have worked harder in gym class. 

The cat-wagon seemed to be picking up speed after having adjusted for Lev’s weight, Kenma’s stomach did not agree with the increased jostling. As much as Kenma wanted to jump off the cats, he wasn’t too keen on the possibility of falling to his death as they ran over the rooftops of various buildings and even up and down walls.

Off in the distance, he saw Kuroo, riding on the back of Yaku and Kenma decided that with how his life was currently going, he would never be shocked at anything ever again. Be that as it may, seeing Kuroo was comforting. The blond was becoming more and more disoriented with each portal-jump they were making and he suddenly felt his body floating and no longer sat on the cats. Before he could panic though, he blacked out.


	4. A Familiar Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here's chapter four, the start of the exciting part of the story :P
> 
> Enjoy!!

Something was tickling his face and the urge to sneeze seized up his body. Four successive kitten sneezes later, Kenma opened his eyes to a beautiful blue sky. “Huh, I could have sworn it was nighttime” he mused aloud. Then, his brain violently caught up to his current predicament. He panicked, only a little bit.

“Lev! Lev? Where the hell are we?”

Then, to Kenma’s horror, a giant shadow loomed over him from behind. Great, I guess this is how I die. He was lifted by lanky arms into the air and into a fluffy and squishy grey chest.

“Kenma-san! Look at you, you’re all tiny and squishy and cute!” Lev cooed while squeezing Kenma into his chest like he was intent on absorbing him. Kenma was not having it with the manhandling.

“Lev, you great big nuisance, you have two seconds to put me down or you’re getting it!” He screeched, only to then be unceremoniously dropped flat on his ass. That was going to bruise. “Where the hell are we?” Silence, great. Lev seemed to be zoned out looking at the flowers in a nearby grove, Jesus what did he do to deserve this?

“We’re not in Kansas anymore, Kenma-san.” 

“We were never in Kansas you moron!” Lev had a strange look in his eyes, not good.

“We’re in the Cat Kingdom, Kenma-san. We’d better start trying to figure out how to leave.” Finally, some answers.

“But it’s so nice here, peaceful, save for the catnip. Maybe we can wait for Kuro to come get us.” 

“Yes, Kenma-san, but this is a dangerous place we have to leave.” Lev sounded serious for the first time since he met him. 

“Kenma! Go, you have to leave before it’s too late!” A new voice whispered hurriedly. Turning Kenma was face to face with a scraggly looking burgundy cat, he was familiar somehow.

“Who are you?”

“That doesn’t matter, you have to leave! Follow me.” The cat urged. Kenma and Lev went to follow him but were stopped by an eerily familiar voice. 

“Ah! There’s our blushing bride! We’re so sorry we dropped you on entry, we were over the weight limit due to your friend!” Hinata, rushed to say. 

Nope, he is not doing this. “Come on Lev, let’s go,” Kenma said as he started walking away. There was a weird noise as he turned his back, sniffles? Was someone crying?

“But...but Kenma you can’t leave, we worked so hard to make this special banquet for you!” Hinata was full on sobbing now. Great, if there’s one thing Kenma can’t handle it’s crying people, or cats he mused. “Please, Kenma we just want to say thank you.” Hinata blubbered. 

“Alright, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to attend the banquet and try to explain this whole situation to the King” He said in the hopes of getting Hinata to quit crying. 

“Really? Oh Kenma, we’re going to have so much fun! Come, we have a carriage ready!” Hinata was bouncing around tugging on Kenma’s hand as if he hadn’t been snotting all over himself literally twenty seconds ago.

“Wait! My friends come with me!” 

“Ah sure, we can accommodate your fat friend” Hinata said, sizing up Lev who was trying to bluster his through a dignified response.

“But what about him?” He said pointing to the burgundy cat.

“Oh that’s nothing but a servant, you might see him later tonight” Hinata said to him, then turning to the cat “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Yes, I’m sorry to have disturbed you.” The scraggly cat bowed 

“Now that that is settled, let’s go!” Hinata said, pushing Kenma and Lev into the carriage.


	5. A Blushing Bride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't do catnip, kids.
> 
> enjoy!

Lev was gone God knows where and Kenma was getting shoved into a huge dress by some lady cats he didn’t know. 

“I think you guys misunderstood, I’m a guy. Can I please get my normal clothes back?” Kenma said trying to push their hands away from his face where they were trying and failing to apply makeup. He had been trying to convince them of their error surrounding his gender (they had seen him in his underwear, as mortifying as that was) but they just kept chittering around him and putting more stuff on him. He felt like a barbie doll being manhandled by a group of gossipy four-year olds

“Look at those beautiful eyes! My, our prince is such a lucky cat!” One said.

“Oh how you look wonderful in this dress, it fits your curves so nicely!” Another commented. Curves? What the fuck? They were putting make-up on his face again. Kenma hated make-up, passionately. He felt sticky, and everything smelled of catnip or some other cat scented bullshit. Here comes a headache.

“Beautiful! Time for the grand reveal!” The leader of the makeover squad squealed. God have mercy on his soul, Kenma was not doing great. He was turned around to face a full length mirror. Were those cat ears on his head? Is that a tail? Is this a joke? Many thoughts flew through his head in quick succession as he stared at himself in the mirror in horror.   
He was dressed in an admittedly gorgeous cream coloured dress, that did in fact hug his curves (since when did he have curves?). But, and this is a big but, he had motherfucking cat ears growing out of his head and a cat tail swishing from his back. This was Not Good, really Not Good. 

“What the hell happened to me!?” He all but shrieked.

“Hey hey hey! Looking good babes, perfect little kitty for my darling boy!” Said the Cat King, or Bokuto really, coming up to place his hands on Kenma’s shoulders. A very violent shudder went through Kenma’s body. Creepy uncle vibes galore.

“That is true, he will be the perfect bride for our prince Wakatoshi” The black cat following the king around agreed. “That’s it, I’m out”, thought Kenma as he turned and ran to the room Lev had gone into. Lev… Lev was in a giant bowl of red jelly?

“What did you do to Lev?” he screeched as he rushed up to bang on the glass. Sue him, but Lev had grown on him during this disaster trip and was consequently the only person on his side during this whole fiasco. Lev wasn’t moving, why wasn’t he moving? A paw landed on his shoulder, it was Hinata.

“Your fat friend was very hungry, he fell in the catnip jelly trying to scoop it out. Come, the banquet starts soon.” Hinata said, trying to pull Kenma away from Lev’s corpse (?).   
“No! I won’t leave him, you hear that you fat fuck!? I’m not leaving you” He said hysterically hitting the glass. 

“If it so pleases you, we can bring the fat one to the banquet.” Said the black cat taking note on his clipboard. 

“Hey, hey, hey Akaashi! What a good plan babes, the more the merrier!” Bokuto all but screamed. Akaashi’s whiskers twitched.

“Of course, your majesty.”


	6. A Most Awful Banquet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Fishy is the real MVP of this chapter :P

They had to carry away Kenma from the jellyfied Lev. At first Kenma had just gone limp in the hopes of dissuading Hinata but Akaashi had called to have the King's Guard brought in to carry him. It was embarrassing to say the least, but Kenma could honestly care less what King Bokuto’s opinion of him was at the moment or ever really.  
That was how Kenma found himself sitting besides King Bokuto at an overtly fancy banquet, picking at his food. He may have cat ears and a tail but that does not mean he wants to eat raw mice and whole fish with cloudy eyes that stare into your soul. No thanks, even if it did seem to piss off the chef who was bringing him increasingly extravagant (but any not more cooked) dishes. Not to mention the fact that his only “friend” in this whole fiasco was now dead. He poked at the fish in his plate with his paw, holy shit. That was not a paw before. Great, now he feels like crying all over again, what is it with these emotions today? Tears began leaking down his face without control. God Kenma get it together.  
His pathetic sniffling must’ve bothered King Bokuto seeing as he was grumbling rather loudly about it. His yellow eyes shifted around searching for something. Akaashi seemed to be trying and failing to appease him, he kept nervously glancing at his clipboard. Kenma let them be and chose to let his gaze wander the room, first to jellified Lev, then to a nice looking cat couple that were fondly staring into each other’s eyes…

“Bring the entertainment!” The king exclaimed, nearly knocking a relieved looking Akaashi over in his excitement. Woohoo. Kenma thought as a myriad of entertainers and musicians entered the room. Boring.  
Kenma huffed and continued his pity party alone with his sticky fish until a particularly loud act was literally thrown out of the window by a cackling Bokuto and a terrified Akaashi. Something about a rolling thunder? Whatever that meant, he wasn’t paying attention then or now, his sticky fish friend was much more interesting to look at. Which is how a masked stranger suddenly took up his field of vision. 

“Kenma, may I have this dance?” The voice was familiar and Kenma had nothing better to do nor anything left to lose. And it got him away from the fish and the King. He took the offered hand silently nodding. The stranger guided him to the dance floor with a gentle hand on his back, sue him for blushing; the stranger was much more handsome than Mr. Fishy. 

“I’ve never danced before.”

“That’s alright, Kitten. I’ll take the lead.” And with that the music started. Those eyes were unsettling, and so familiar. He couldn’t place it just yet. The stranger leant down to whisper in his ear. Kemna was definitely not blushing even more, nope he was as cool as a cucumber. 

“I didn’t think they would actually put you in a dress, but I must admit you wear it exceptionally well.” Ah, it suddenly clicked just as he was being spun.

“Kuro!?” Another spin, and a series of complicated steps. Kenma felt weightless.

“The one and only, Kitten. Are you ready to blow this popsicle stand?” Kuroo asked, bringing Kenma closer. Huh, he was warm, really warm. His face itched, he reached to touch it.

“I wouldn’t do that, whiskers are pretty sensitive. About what I said, what do you say?” 

Whiskers!? 

“Kuro, they killed Lev! He fell into the catnip jelly.” Kenma was trying to figure out how they were going to negotiate for Lev’s corpse when Kuroo cut off his train of thought.

“I know Kitten, don’t worry about Lev. He's a tough cookie. We’ve got bigger problems with our hosts.” Kuroo’s eyes glanced around the room spinning Kenma one last time before…

“Who are you? Stranger!” Bellowed the king. Looks like their cover was blown. Kuroo drew Kenma closer to him. With a swift movement he ripped off his mask and hat.

“I am Baron Kuroo von Nekoma The Third! And I am here to take Kenma home!” Talk about dramatic flare, Kenma mused. This really was shaping up like a shoujo manga.


	7. A Daring Escape (Almost)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D

Kuroo’s reveal to the banquet crowd created an uproar and for a single moment, everyone seemed too caught up with themselves to even both with Kuroo. Said cat took the time to go up to the giant bowl of jelly. He lifted up the cane he carried around with him like a baseball player, “Batter up!” He shouted, just before swinging the cane and completely smashing the giant glass bowl. Out oozed the strange jelly and Lev’s body. As soon as the grey cat’s body hit the floor, he stood and shook himself.

“Aw, I’m all sticky.” Lev complained, “You look great, by the way, Kenma-san!”  
The cats seemed to all get out of their stupor now as Bokuto shouted for the arrest of Kuroo.

“How are we supposed to leave?” Kenma asked Kuroo, because things were really not looking too good at that moment.

“Well, I was planning on fighting our way out,” Kuroo said, brandishing the cane like a sword. Above them, Lev swung back and forth from a chandelier, legs kicking anything that happened to be in his path of destruction.

Kenma eyed the camo coloured cats that were entering the room. “I don’t know if that’s going to be a viable option.”

“Hey! Down here!”

It was that burgundy coloured alleycat from when he’d arrived in the Cat Kingdom. He looked at them expectantly. “Well don’t just stand there! I’ve got an escape route for you, free of charge!” Sure enough, he opened up a secret panel on the ground near where Kenma had been sitting. It led down into a dark tunnel and Kenma was reminded of a waterslide, except it didn’t have water and he had no idea what could be waiting for him at the end. Could be crocodiles. Could be more of the strange camo cats.

“What about Lev?” Kenma asked as he kneeled down and prepared to slide down into the unknown. Said cat had left behind the chandelier and was currently in the process of throwing two cats out of a window.

Kuroo watched the other cat for a moment, “Eh, he’ll be fine on his own. We should go.”

Kenma nodded. The dress was cumbersome to move in, so he shed as much of it as possible and left behind all the accessories, and once he was in the tunnel and sliding down it no longer posed an issue. “Holy fuck!” He screamed as the wind rushed past him. The fear he felt in that moment was only outweighed by the sheer disbelief and annoyance he felt at Kuroo’s whoops of excitement and laughs. Thankfully, they landed safely just on the ground, just outside of the castle.  
Kenma took a moment to steady himself on the stone wall, his heart still beating erratically as he tried to calm his breathing.

“You alright, Kitten?” Kuroo asked, coming up beside him and placing a hand (paw?) on his back.

“Just needed a moment.” Kenma said, straightening out. “Where do we go next?”

“Right up there.” Kuroo said, pointing upwards at a tower that quite literally reached the sky. Kenma felt his heart drop into his stomach.

“You’re joking, right?”

“I’m afraid not, Kitten.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kenma complaining about the dress like: this thing doesn't even have pockets!


	8. A Not-So Amazing Maze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone pray for Akaashi

Of course the only exit from this cat paradise would be in a giant tower in the middle of an even bigger maze, cat logic is the worst. Kenma was already tired from all the running and fighting, this dress was no joke. 

“Are you alright, Kitten?” Kuroo was pulling a handkerchief from his waistcoat. Gratefully taking it to wipe his brow Kenma huffed out a reply.

“I’ll be fine, we have to move.” He hiked up his dress and entered the maze, Kuroo following behind amused.

“You’re the boss, Kitten.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Kuro.”

“Alright, alright, whatever you say sweetcheeks. I am but a humble servant to your whims.”

“Kuro.”

\--  
There was something weird with this maze, they’d been here for what felt like hours and they’d barely made any progress.

“Kuro, I swear we were just here. Something’s not adding up.”

“You’re right, we were just here. This makes no sense, maybe its-” A thud and a cloud of dust interrupted that train of thought.

“Kemna-san! Kuroo-san!” Ah, Lev. He had caught up to them. “Man those army cats sure were tenacious! But they were no match for my superior reflexes!” Lev said, dusting himself off. “I thought you guys forgot me for a second there! I know you wouldn’t though, you guys were too caught up being cute! Kenma you make such an adorable damsel in-”

“Alright, that’s enough out of you, you big lug. Kenma’s redder than a tomato because of you.” Kuroo was trying and failing to hold in his laughs. Kenma had stopped really paying attention after he saw that Lev was fine.

“Hey guys?”

“What’s up Kitten?”

“Is it just me or does that wall have feet?”

\--

“Who the hell told them to line up in a straight path to the tower!? Who hired these morons?” Akaashi was just about to blow his fuse, if Bokuto caught on he would never hear the end of this.

“What’s that you said ‘Kaashi?”

“Nothing your majesty, I was just angry over a badly done report. How are things looking?”

Bokuto peered through his fancy binoculars. He was practically vibrating with energy. Seems like another late night volleyball session is going to be on the agenda Akaashi mused. 

“Don’t worry too much about those reports ‘Kaashi, I can get you an assistant if you want; you work so hard already . Looks like our little escapees are stuck at a dead end!”

“Thank you, your Majesty.” Akaashi was decidedly not blushing, thank you very much.

“Mister Akaashi! Are you okay? Your nose looks a bit red.”

“I’m alright Hinata, I think it’s the sun. I’ll go in the shade.” This child will be the end of him.

“Somebody get ‘Kaashi a drink, I don’t want my best advisor out of commission!” Great, he’s going to look even redder now.

“Oh! What are they doing!?”

\--  
“That wall does in fact have feet, Kenma-san. Isn’t that weird Kuroo-san? I didn’t know walls could have feet.”

“Lev you idiot, walls don’t have feet. This isn’t a wall, it’s a fake.” Kuroo said as he shoulder tackled the “wall”. Dramatic flare as always Kenma thought as the walls began to fall one by one with a resounding screech from each of the army cats holding them up. 

“Did they seriously block our path directly to the tower?”

“Looks like it, Kitten.” Kuroo said with a soft look in his eyes.

“Yay! I was getting tired, you guys!” Lev said breaking the moment. Thanks 

“We better get moving, time’s running out” Kuroo huffed spearheading the way. Great, more exercise, Kenma thought.

“Aw, man Kuroo-san I’m tired!”

“Lev, you whiny baby, get your ass in gear!”

“Ouch!”

\--

“Akaashi, what just happened?”

“I...I don’t know your Majesty” Yes, yes he did know, but he wasn’t about to take ownership of that spectacular blunder. Akaashi liked his job, thank you very much.


	9. The Endless Tower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody give these poor boys a Break

Kenma had never been a huge fan of working out, and one of the things he hated most in gym class was running bleachers. Right now, he hated his past self more than he ever hated bleachers because maybe if he had done them in the past, running up the stairs of the tower wouldn’t be as torturous as it was.  
When the camo cats had come out of a door on the side of the tower, Kenma seriously considered just surrendering and letting them carry him back down the tower. But then, God himself must have intervened, because the stone beneath the feet of the camo cats crumbled away to nothing. Because of the dress, he couldn’t just shimmy across what remained of the stone like Kuroo did. The three spent a good three minutes or so trying to figure out what to do, when Lev piped up.

“Oh, I know exactly what to do!” He said and Kenma felt himself being picked up again.

“Lev, if you’re doing what I think you’re doing, don-” Kenma’s warning was cut off by his shout as Lev chucked him over the gap. Kuroo caught him with ease but that did nothing to soothe his ire. “Lev! You can’t just chuck people like that! What if you didn’t throw me hard enough and I fell? I would have died!” Kuroo, the traitor, was trying and failing to hide his laughs at Kenma’s reaction.

Lev, with a big goofy smile on his face, seemed completely unbothered by Kenma’s chastising, and the three resumed their climb. They were halfway up, at least. They were going to make it.

-

“If we don’t do something soon, they’re going to make it to the top!” Bokuto cried out, “Quick, Akaashi, where’s the boom button?”

Akaashi visibly bristled at his king’s words, “I don’t know if that’s the smartest decision, Bokuto… and anyways, I didn’t bring it with me so there won’t be any time.”

“Don’t worry! I brought it just in case!” Hinata declared, holding up the remote, “I always wanted to see how big the explosion would be!”

“Hinata!” Akaashi scolded, but it was already too late. Bokuto held the remote in his paws and had an evil look in his eyes. “Bokuto, I really think you shouldn’t do that. You could endanger the lives of both Kenma and Kuroo.”

“They’ll be fine!” Bokuto said, pressing the button with a dramatic flare. The resonating boom left Akaashi’s ears ringing and he cringed away from the sight.

Meanwhile, Bokuto and Hinata were both whooping with stars in their eyes. Akaashi sighed. “We’d best get over there as quickly as possible.”

\--

They were so close to the top, so close to freedom, and Kenma pushed his body as far as it could go to get to his goal as quickly as possible. The sound of an explosion made him stop in his tracks. “What was that…?” He wondered, just as the ground beneath him began shaking.

“The tower’s collapsing!” Kuroo shouted, pushing Kenma up against the wall and pinning him there. The collapse of the tower seemed to take an eternity and Kenma feared it might never end and he would be trapped in a nightmare forever.

Then, it stopped. They were on the ground again. All of that had been for nothing. The dust cloud around them made it impossible to see more than a few feet in front of their faces, but Kenma had no doubt either the camo cats or the King himself would be showing up soon. Exhausted and coughing, he collapsed on the ground.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trust ushijima to come out of the woodworks at the last possible moment.

Distant shouts were becoming louder and louder as the trio sat around the base of the crumpled tower waiting for the dust to settle. Kenma played with his toe beans while Kuroo hopelessly tried to fix his fur. Lev was sprawled on the ground heaving like he had just run a marathon. 

“I think I want to cry.”

“I think I’m dead! Kuroo-san, am I dead?”

“There has to be another way to escape.” 

As if it couldn’t get worse, the king and crew showed up to rain on their pity party. Great.

\--

“HAHA! Caught you, you little rascals! ‘Kaashi wasn’t that great!?”

“That was wonderful, your Majesty, great thinking as always.” By God did Akaashi not get paid enough for this. 

“It was all like; BLUAH and BABOOM and SWOOSH! Your Majesty it was amazing!” Sure Hinata, encourage him to blow up more things. What’s next? The castle? Akaashi thought

“Give up now Kuroo! You’re surrounded!” Bokuto bellowed.

\--

They were, in fact, surrounded by even more camo army cats and the king’s personal guard of tuxedo cats. Kenma did not like those odds no matter how good of fighters Kuro and Lev were. 

“C’mon Bokuto, there’s no need to be like this. Let Kenma go back to the human world where he belongs.”

“No, he will marry my son as promised!”

“I never promised anything, you ugly gutter cat!” Kenma said standing up. He was beyond mad at this point, he just wanted to go home to his bed and gameboy. 

“Gutter cat!?”

“The years haven’t exactly been kind to you, Bo.”

“You know what? You’re under arrest!”

“Your Majesty, I don’t know that-” Akaashi was cut off by the sound of a trumpet.

In the distance Kenma could see soldiers in dress garb coming towards the ruined tower. There was a familiar blob of red in the mix, weird. 

“Is that-” Akaashi was once again cut off.

“My son! My glorious son has returned!” Bokuto was now jumping up and down, waving at what Kenma figured was his son who calmly came up the tower with his men and the burgundy cat from earlier.

“Father, I came as soon as I could.”

“My son! I have quite the lovely present for you! Hinata, bring Kenma over.” Hinata began bouncing his way over when Kuroo placed himself in front of Kenma who reached for his hand. Such warm hands. 

“Kuroo, don’t ruin this for me. Hand me my future daughter in law!”

“I’m not a gi-” “That won’t be necessary, father.” Wakatoshi cut off Kenma with a determined look. Now that he was thinking about it Wakatoshi hadn’t let go of the burgundy cat’s waist since they had reached the tower. 

“What do you mean? I went through all this trouble to get you a beautiful bride!” Bokuto was clearly not on the same page as everyone else it seemed. 

“This wasn’t how I planned to do this, Reon could you bring me the package?” Wakatoshi turned to the burgundy cat, took both his paws into his paws and got down on one knee and with the most genuine look began to talk. Was he proposing?

“Satori, you have always been my best of friends even in the worst of times. Your smile makes me feel like I am invincible and could conquer the world. Every moment I spend in your presence I cherish because I love you. So, would you do me the honour of becoming my spouse?” Wakatoshi seemed almost shy.

“What!? Toshi of course I’ll marry you!” Satori said, jumping into his arms, crying tears of joy. It was then that the prince gave him the present that Reon had been holding. 

“Toshi, are these what I think they are?”

“Open it, you’ll see.”

From what Kenma could see they were eerily familiar fish crackers. An almost violent realization sprung to Kenma’s mind.

“Oh my god! You’re that kitten! That kitten I gave my fish crackers to as a kid! You were so small! And you’re that voice that led me to the Cat Bureau!” Kenma exclaimed, beaming. That had been one of his most valued memories of his childhood.

“You remember now. You saved his life as a kitten, Kenma-san. For that I am eternally in your debt.” The prince leveled him with the most intense look he had ever received. This cat was no joke.

“No, no need! I’m so happy for you! You’ve been nothing but kind and helpful to me throughout everything!” Kenma was now openly crying happy tears along with Lev who hadn’t stopped blubbering since the prince had kneeled. 

“But what about my grandbabies! I got you a most beautiful bride and you leave him for a gutter cat with crooked eyes!?” Bokuto was waving around his arms, screeching. Kenma was a dude for fuck’s sake!

“Father, you forget yourself seeing as I am adopted and that Kenma is male” Wakatoshi explained with a weary look on his face. Finally! Someone smart!

“What!? You know what? Whatever, I want a wedding! It’s been years since we’ve had a nice celebration. Kenma will be my bride!” 

“Uh, no fucking way you fleabag-” “Yeah! Get away from Kenma-san you big meanie!” “Over my dead body, Bo.” “Father!” “Your Majesty, I don’t-”

“Nonsense! His transformation is almost complete, now hand him over!” Guards came rushing towards Kenma.

“I don’t think so!” Lev exclaimed standing up to his full height. Gasps resounded around the tower.

“I knew it, I knew there was something off with him! That’s Lyovochka the Great Behemoth! Years ago he ate our entire stores of fish and caused a famine that lasted months, we lost many great cats. He’s a crook!” Akaashi exclaimed, pointing to the murals adorning the remaining walls of the tower. 

“Lev! What the fuck!? I can’t take you anywhere I swear!” Kuroo looked like he was about to blow his top.

“That’s right, I am the Great Behemoth! But in all honesty I did mean to cause a famine, I was just really hungry!

“Guards! Get him too!” Bokuto was practically vibrating with energy.

“Reon! Get Satori to safety, men protect Kenma! The portal still works; you have to get Kenma up there quickly!” Wakatoshi tackled his father who was madly cackling.

“Kuroo-san I think I have an idea!” 

“Do it then you fat lug!” Kuroo was getting into a fighting stance. 

“Kenma-san hold on I’m going to throw you up!” What? Throw?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lev is a curse that Kuroo can't get rid of.


	11. A Duel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kenma being thrown by Lev, the sequel.

Kenma wasn’t super keen on the idea of being launched up the tower by Lev, but at least he knew it was coming this time.

“Wait, what if I can’t land?” He asked, right before Lev threw him.

“Don’t worry, Kenma-san!” Lev said, throwing him with all his might, “Cats always land on their feet!”

True to Lev’s words, Kenma landed on all fours about two-thirds of the way up the remaining tower. He really didn’t feel like running up even more stairs, but there was literally no time to waste. He was already like, 90% cat which was about 90% too much. At least he knew the tower wouldn’t quite literally collapse underneath him this time. The shouts from all the cats were getting more and more distant as he sprinted up, and he just hoped that Kuroo and Lev would make it out okay. Though, it seemed Lev was a criminal of some kind? Kenma couldn’t really say he was super surprised by that revelation.

\--

Kuroo stood face to face with Bokuto. The other cats had backed off, recognizing that this was a fight between them. He twisted the handle of his cane and brought out the secret sword.

“You have a sword in your cane?!” Bokuto exclaimed, looking quite impressed and a bit jealous.

“Why else would I carry a cane around?” Kuroo said, “Other than for fashion’s sake, I guess.”

“Ha! You aren’t fashionable in the slightest!”

“You don’t even wear clothes!”

Bokuto took out his own sword, “Maybe not, but I do carry around a sword of my own!”

Kuroo braced himself for the coming fight, holding his sword out in front of him. He’d fought Bokuto before, plenty of times, and he’d also fought with the Cat King. Having such experience with one’s opponent should give an advantage, but it was cancelled out by Bokuto having just as much knowledge about Kuroo as Kuroo had about him.  
They danced back and forth, but it was kind of hard to get a blow in on someone who knew what you were planning. And, even though they were technically enemies right now, Kuroo didn’t really want to go and hurt one of his oldest friends.  
Then, a distraction. Someone was shouting, and for just a second, Bokuto got distracted and stopped paying attention. Kuroo saw his opportunity and took it. With a grand upward swing, he shaved all of the fur off of Bokuto’s belly. It didn’t harm the other cat in the slightest, but Bokuto was vain and volatile enough that Kuroo might have well cut a limb off.

“Nooooooo!” Bokuto cried out, “Kuroo, how could you?!”

“Sorry, Bokuto!” Kuroo replied as he ran past him and began sprinting up the stairs. Kenma and Lev were both almost at the top now, and Kuroo didn’t know whether to be impressed at Lev’s speed or mildly disappointed in how, despite having a good head start, Kenma didn’t have a lead on Lev. Determined, he pushed his body as hard as it could go so that he could catch up to his two companions before they left the Cat Kingdom.


	12. A Sack of Potatoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo's worst nightmare: Lev's cat butt.

Kenma and Lev had been running up the tower for what seemed like forever, Kenma was out of breath and felt weird almost as if he was missing something. Huffing, he hiked his dress up higher and kept climbing.

\--

“Toshi, look! Kenma’s turning back into a human!” Satori exclaimed tugging on his fiancé’s paw. 

“Good, that means the portal’s intact. It looks like they are almost at the top, and the Baron is not far behind.” 

“Kenma’s really working that dress isn’t he Akaashi?” Hinata said, bouncing up to the weary advisor. There was going to be so much paperwork and the king is going to be dejected for weeks.

“Yes, y- wait it looks like there’s a problem with the exit!” All eyes turned to the screen showing Kenma and Lev.

\--

“Lev! Don’t you dare drop me!” Kenma was desperately holding on to Lev’s paws as he dangled from the tiny top of the tower into the sky. 

“Ah, I’m trying Kenma-san but you’re a lot heavier than before!” Lev was slowly slipping from the top of the tower.

“Did you just say I was fat!? You’re fat, you sack of potatoes!” Kenma could not believe his luck right now, actually he could because his day had been filled with rotten luck. 

“Argh! Kenma-san I’m sorry!” And with that they fell to their doom. Great. Of all the people Kenma would be stuck dying with, it had to be Lev.

\--

Kuroo was going up the stairs as fast as he could, all he could see at the top was Lev’s butt slowly sliding out of the tower. An unsettling sight for anyone, but Kuroo knew from all the shouting that Lev’s butt was the last thing keeping both him and Kenma from falling to their death. Just another day at the Cat Bureau it seemed.  
Lev’s butt disappeared from view with a shout followed by silence. Time to go save some damsels in distress, Kuroo mused as he launched himself out of the tower towards a shrieking Lev and Kenma.

\--

Failing to his death, Kenma thought, was probably the worst thing he ever had the misfortune of experiencing. Failing to his death while squishing a wailing Lev to his chest was the second worst thing to have to experience. Right now he was experiencing both. 

“Kenmaaaaaaaaaaaaa” Was that Kuro?

“Kenmaaaaaaaaaaa, I’m cooooooooooommmmiiiiiiiinng!” That really sounded like- 

“Ahhh! What the fuck!” Something had landed on his back

“Don’t worry it’s just me! Now hold on to my hand, we have to spread out to slow our fall.” Kenma had never been happier to see Kuro in his life.

“Kuroo! Please tell me you have a plan!” C’mon one more miracle!

“Don’t worry Kitten we’re just waiting for some friends to show up!” 

“Is it Yaku-san!? I miss his tiny little body, so cute!” 

“Lev, you great big idiot you better pray I didn’t just hear what I think I did!” And with that they were swallowed up by a swarm of robins.

“Yaku-san! You’re slowing our fall that-” ''Right on time Yaku!” Kuroo helped Kenma stand up, and together they began walking down the path of robins Yaku and his friends made.

“Oh Yaku, this is amazing! Are you sure I’m not too heavy?”

“You’re as light as a feather my dear!”

“You hear that Lev!? I’m as light as a feather you great big sack of potatoes!” Kenma and Kuroo were openly laughing. It was so surreal and beautiful, these pretty birds, the sunset, a gentlemanly cat baron, and he was still in a princess dress. God, his life really had become some weird anime.


	13. In Another Life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sappy ending time, yo.

The path of robins led them to the roof of his highschool, setting Kenma down gently on the ledge. He stepped down onto the roof with the help of Kuroo, now back to his regular size. Kenma turned around to face Kuroo, who was still on the ledge, so they were eye to eye. Tears were welling up as he realized their time was up.

“Kuro, I don’t want to say goodbye” His throat was closing up with barely held back sobs.

“I know, Kitten. We’ll be okay, I promise” Kuroo had put his hand on Kenma's cheek, it was warm. 

“Kuro, I think I’m in love with you” Tears were freely flowing down his face now, Kuro was doing his best to wipe them away but there were just too many.

“Kitten, I think I might just be in love with you too.” There was a sad look on Kuroo’s face.

“Then don’t leave! Stay with me, please.” Kenma knew he was being irrational, but he didn’t care.

“Perhaps in another life Kitten” Kuroo leant in and kissed the corner of his mouth softly taking his hand away slowly, savouring the moment. He turned and jumped off the ledge, only to come back up on Yaku’s back. He was holding Lev.

“Goodbye Kenma! Remember the Cat Bureau will always be there for you!” 

“Bye Kenma-san!”

“Bye Kenma!”

Kenma waved at the three like his life depended on it, his heart lodged in his throat.

In another life, perhaps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We had a lot of fun writing this story and we hope everyone enjoyed reading it!!


End file.
